hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
