i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he puts the penis in happiness.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
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