apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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