Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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