Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
