i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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