Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
