So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
