no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
