OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
