my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize