paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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