I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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