SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize