apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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