Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
