That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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