I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
