Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
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The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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