dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
