Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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