obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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