were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
