How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
