He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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