Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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