my phone needs a breathalizer
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
