We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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