I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
