Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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