She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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