A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
