It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
