one two three fourrrrnication!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
