i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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