Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we made out on top of his cat.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
