i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
