He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
