dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
