I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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