I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
