terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
