Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
