your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
