you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize