So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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