Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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