I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
