There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
