Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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