If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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