ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
