and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
