I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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