OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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