we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
