So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize