Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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