Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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