Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
