I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
