Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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