i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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