I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
