I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
