She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
