Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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