Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
