onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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