I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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