R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No I am not eating basil off your cock
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
So. Much. Porn.
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