I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
